


I don't think I deserve it..

by mishasmish



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Blood, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Needles, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slavery, Social Anxiety, bad body imagine, slight anorexia, teen!reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-02 13:58:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10945959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishasmish/pseuds/mishasmish
Summary: You've been a slave for almost 4 years now to a demon named Clarke. When you luckily escape you run, literally, into the winchesters and they take you in and take care of you. They help you overcome your fear for basically everything and you become like a little sister to them.What will happened when you want to start to hunting down Clarke for revenge? What happens if she catches you first?





	1. I'm saved..?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello. This is my first fanfic EVER, so I'm not the best at this. Honestly this came to me in a few dreams and i had to write it somewhere so i thought, why not here?  
> Anyways, I'm sorry for any grammar or spelling wrongs, I'm not from an english speaking country and I don't have any one reading this through or anything so you'll have to bear with me.  
> Please read the possible trigger warnings in the tags because i really don't want tose any of you in pain.  
> This will NOT have any smut whatsoever.
> 
> I'm gonna to more parts to this, so I hope to hear more from you!
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy reading this.

You ran as fast as you could, not stopping for a minute. It felt like your heart was going to pump out of your chest and all you heard was the loud sound of your heart pounding in your ears. Your lungs hurt from all the running and you were struggling to breathe. The thing behind you was closing up and you felt the panic rise within every second. You rounded a corner as you looked back to find the thing gone and your breath hitched.

You didn't see where you were running so when you ran into something you fell on my butt, hard. A whimper left your mouth and with panicked eyes you looked up to see that you had just ran into a man. He was really tall and muscular and his shoulder-long hair fell in his face when he looked down at you in surprise. His hazel colored eyes looked at you and you stumbled away instantly.

"Hey, shit, you okay?" the man asks. His voice was deep, but still comforting in a way you didn't understand. When you didn't answer he took a step forward and bent down a little but as he did that you let out a shaking breath and backed away. "I'm not gonna hurt you kid" he said and held his hands over his head. You made a frowning face and tried to stand up with your eyes fixed on him in case he would attack you.

As you try to stand up you put your weight into your left leg and a cry leave your lips as you fall down again. Instantly the man was right beside you and you stopped breathing. He bent down and reached for you. You tried to crawl away in fear but the pain in your leg just escalated. "I'm gonna pick you up, okay?" He didn't wait for an answer as he put an arm under your legs and the other one under your back and lifted you up bridal style. As he rose up you shut your eyes and bit your lip as to not scream out the pain. You tasted the familiar taste of blood in your mouth.

You jumped as the man who carried you screamed. "Dean! Come quick, i found someone!" His long legs made him walk a lot faster and you were thankful for not having him running. You didn't hear the footsteps in front of you and you inhaled sharply as another voice came to your hearing. "Who's this? What happened?" The voice of this person, Dean, was much deeper than the other man and he sounded a little older. It was definitely another man and you couldn't help the fear creep up on you. You shivered in the man's arms and he tightened his grip. "I don't know, she ran into me. Something happened to her leg and I'm pretty sure she hit her head or something before, because she's bleeding." You shut your eyes even tighter as you felt a hand on your upper arm.

"Hey kiddo, can you tell us what happened?" Dean said, directing his question to you. You didn't answer, too afraid of what might happened if you answered wrong to his question. "Do you have a name?" the man who held you squeezed you a little. You didn't know if it were for comfort or threatening, but you shook your head lightly and regretted it the second you moved your head. A sharp sting from the back to your head took you by surprise and you cried out. Tears ran now freely from your closed eyes down your cheeks. "We gotta stitch her up. Take her to the bunker and I'll try to call Cas"

The man carrying you began walking again and you felt the rumble in his chest that he was talking to you but all you could focus on was the pain. Sooner or later he stopped and he opened a car door. "Hey, I'm gonna put you in the car, and It'll probably hurt, but you can't pass out on me, okay?" He lowered you from his grip and into the car. As soon as you body hit the seat you took a deep breath, trying to calm down. It helped a little and you were now half sitting, half laying down in the seat. You opened your eyes a little and you saw the man going around the car to take the seat with the wheel. You were sitting shotgun. When he opened his door you looked at him with tired eyes. "Don't close your eyes" His voice became shallower as he kept trying to talk to you but you've already given up and you were slowly sinking into the darkness.

***

You were in the state between awake and asleep and you didn't really have control over your body. The sound of a car driving fast was comforting. You began to wake up now and that was something you really didn't want because the pain was still there. You groaned a little and tried to move but you ended up feeling worse than before. Wait, where were you? Your eyes shot up with fear and your body tensed. You looked around with panic in your eyes until you saw the man beside you. _The Running. The two men. Your injuries._ Everything came back to you. You didn't realize you made a noise but suddenly a pair of eyes were on you. "Hey, hey, hey, calm down." He put up his right hand in the air and kept the left one on the steering wheel. As he moved his hand towards you, you flinched away and he took away his hand.

"How are you holding up? We're at the bunker in about 15 minutes and then I'll take care of your leg and head, okay?" You wanted to ask what this bunker was, but you kept quiet. You began to shake and you couldn't feel your toes and fingers. "You're freezing because of the blood loss, I'd give you a blanket, but I don't have one, sorry" The car went faster for a second and soon enough you were at this odd looking iron door. He parked the car and instantly got out. The door opened beside you and he ducked under the roof of the car to hover over you to pick you up. This made you panic and you tried to get away. He got his arm under got legs and the other one under your back as before, and lifted you out. Your body was tense and the pain was too much for you. "You gotta relax, I'm here to help" He mumbled as he walked to the door.

As he went down the stairs you shut your eyes again in pain. Once you were down he almost started to run and when you felt a comfortable sheet under yourself you opened your eyes. You're in a bed? The man started to fumble around in boxes and he came forward with a first aid kit. He ran out of the room and came back with a bottle of something. "I'm gonna stitch you up and I'm not gonna lie, it'll hurt" he took a scissor and qut your pants off of your left leg. The cold air that hit your leg gave you goose bumps but you didn't have time think about it anymore as a liquid hit the contrast of the injury on your leg and it burned like fire. You screamed as tears welled in you eyes. "I'm so sorry, but it has to be done" said the man whith a slight panicked voice. He picked up a needle and a thread and you instantly started to breathe funny. "N-no, no, no" you sobbed as you tried to get away. Apparently you shock him with speaking, but you were not gonna let him use that on you. He stared at you for a few seconds before speaking "This needs to be stitched up if you don't want to die" He looked at you with apologetic eyes as he returned his attention to the needle. "Please d-don't" you whispered.

The door slammed open and you jumped. The other man, Dean walked in and his eyes wandered to the gasch in your leg. "Need some help Sam?" He said, his eyes never leaving your leg as he spoke. You guessed it was pretty bad. Sam closed his eyes and sighed as he said "Hold her" You shock your head in protest. As Dean came forward you began pulling away as you sobbed "N-no, please, d-don't" your head hit the headboard and you panicked. Dean were now standing next to the bed on the opposite side of Sam.

He grabbed your ankles and carefully tried to drag you down so that you were lying down but you screamed and desperately tried to get away. You tried to hit him but he caught your wrist and putted it over your head. "Calm down! You need to calm down so that Sammy here can stitch you up and everything will be fine" You tried to get away from Sam now when you had realised that Dean weren't letting you go. You scooted over to Dean's side and Sam looked at you. "It's okay. You're scared of needles right? It's gonna go fast and smoothly if you just calm down" He looked at you in your eyes while speaking. "Yeah, Sam here is really good at it, it's okay" Dean said. You locked eyes with Sam and he smiled a little and you calmed down a bit.

Dean scooted you over to Sam and you began shaking. Dean took both of your hands and put them on your stomach as he laid his arm over them. The other hand pressed down a little on your left leg to keep it still. In this way you wouldn't be able to move as much. "Deep breaths, It's gonna be fine" Sam said. You shut your eyes and as you felt the needle go into your skin you held your breath. It hurt so much and feeling the needle under your skin made it worse. After about 2 minutes Dean noticed that you still held your breath and he looked over to your face. "You have to breathe or you'll pass out" When you didn't respond he removed his hand on your leg and loosened the arm on your stomach, but not completely moving it away. "Hey, you need to breathe, it's going good" He put his hand on your cheek and you inhaled sharply. You let out a shaky breath after that and Dean kept talking to you about breathing.

"All done" Sam said, and he moved to the first aid kit to get a bandage to wrap your leg in. As he wrapped it around your leg Dean moved away completely from you. "We have to check your head too, okay?" You nodded a little as you turn to the side, with your face to Dean. He kneeled down and looked over at Sam with an expression you haven't seen before. You flinched a little as Sam started to run his fingers gently over your head as he kept asking you where it hurt. You tensed a little when he moved his fingers over a little bulge. "You don't need any stitches but you might have a concussion, and we need to get it clean from all of this blood too"

Dean nodded, even tho it was meant for you, and he rose up and walked up to the closet and pulled out a towel. He then went out of sight, but your heard water running. Dean came back with the wet towel and gave it to Sam. Sam cleaned you up and you were losing yourself to sleep. Your eyes were heavy and your breathing evened out. Less than a minute later you were asleep.


	2. More like a flashback..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. I'm here with another chapter as promised.  
> I'm not so sure this turned out as i wanted it to, but oh well.
> 
> There will be many more flashbacks in future chapters, but this was just a short one.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

_Your arms and feet were tied to the chair in an uncomfortable way. A person was making their way over to you and you struggled to see who it was with your blurry vision. “Well, you should’ve thought about what would happen if you didn’t do as I said.” you tensed up when you heard who it was. Her booming voice echoed through the walls in the room and the shill that ran up your spine only added to her satisfaction. “I guess, you_ knew _what you had coming, I mean, you spend a lot of time here, don’t you think?”_

 _A hand under your chin had you lifting your head and the smirk on her face was the first thing you saw. Clarke, the thing that kept you here spoke up again. “What? Don’t you have any other snarky comment to throw at me?” The glim in her eyes told you that she was up to something really bad and you shut your eyes lightly. A scream ripped past your lips when a sharp object cutted through you skin on your leg. Tears welled in your eyes and the pain from your leg only increased. “S-stop! P-please stop!” you screamed at her. “You speak when you’re allowed to.” She spoke through her teeth and slammed the sharp object in your leg and left it there. You screamed again and.._ Someone was shaking you?

“Hey, wake up!” You gasped for air as you eyes shot open. The hands on your shoulders stopped shaking you and spoke again. “You okay? What happened?” You recognized the voice as Sam’s and you calmed down a little. He moved his hands up and down your arms in a calming speed as you tried to catch your breath. You tried to open your eyes, only to realize that they were already open. “S-sam?” You whispered quietly. You were sure that he wouldn't have heard you if it wasn't for how close he was.

“Yes, it’s me. You’re safe and it was just a dream okay?” _More like a flashback.._ When Sam sensed that you were trying to sit up he helped you. “Do you want some water..?” Sam asked, a little unsure of what he was supposed to do. You nodded, not trusting your voice. He squeezed your shoulder a little and then left you.

The fresh memories played in your head and before you knew it tears streamed down your cheeks. You tilted your head up and let your head rest against the headboard. When the door opened you quickly tried to dry your tears with your hands. Sam, who now walked up to you, seemed to have seen right through you. “You okay?” You nodded, not looking at him. He turned on a lamp that you hadn't seen and the room lit up in a cold yellow color.

You felt his eyes on you but you looked at your feet. He handed you the glass of water and you sipped on it lightly. “Are you going to be okay alone?” He asked after a while and you nodded again. He signed a little and then put his hand on your shoulder. You jumped away and he took away his hand. Your eyes locked for a split second before you looked at your feet again. “I’ll be in the room beside you.” He said before walking out of the room.

When he left, you let out a deep breath and put you head against the headboard again. _This is going to be a long night._

***

You woke up against the headboard, and your neck hurt from the uncomfortable position you were sitting in. You groaned a little as you sat up and looked around. You put your legs over the edge of the bed and you felt a little light headed. You shut your eyes when the spinning begun and you took a deep breath. As you let out the breath you were holding, you stood up, holding you weight off your left leg.

As you spotted before, clothes were laying at the end of the bed and you limbed forward. _Oh you were so not going to change here, you didn’t even know where you were_. Limbing towards the door you heard muffled voices. You pressed your ear against the door and tried to hear what they were saying. Maybe there was more people here than the two men, Sam and Dean. When you still didn’t hear anything you reached for the door handle and opened the door carefully, praying to god that the door wouldn’t make a noise. As you stepped out of the room your bare feet hit the cold marmor floor and you shivered.

You followed the voices to the end of the corridor and pressed your back against the wall when you could hear what they were saying. “Dean we can’t just leave the girl, she needs help! She was running from something and something had hurt her.” Sam sounded annoyed with Dean and a deep sigh left Dean's lips, or so you thought at least. “Yeah but she gotta talk, and we have to test her too, I mean she could be anything?” _What did he mean by testing you?_

You tried to back away from them but you put too much weight on your left leg and you hissed. You put your hand over your mouth and you noticed that they stopped talking. Frozen in place you heard footsteps moving towards you. Before you could react Sam and Dean rounded the corner and spotted you.

  
You backed away a little, unsure of what to do. “Hey, you-” Sam started but Dean spoke up and interrupted him. “How much over the conversation did you hear?” His harsh tone made you back away even more. “Dean, common..” Sam started. Dean ignored him and kept staring at you. You opened your mouth to answer, but shut it again. Dean raised one of his eyebrows at you.

“I-I uh..” you took a breath to calm yourself, hating yourself for sounding so weak. “Uhm, that you- you’re g-gonna test me?” Sam took a few steps towards you and you backed away with your hands up. “I’m not going to hurt you kid.” You stopped, a little unsure of everything and looked down. You flinched away a little at the hand on your shoulder. “We should properly talk, don’t ya think?”

He led you back to the room you woke up in and mention you to sit on the bed. You noticed that Dean didn’t follow and you felt more calm. As you sat on the bed Sam stepped forward and bent down with his hand on your knees. “I’m Sam, and the guy out there is Dean. We’re not going to hurt you, we just want to know what happened and what you were running from.” A small smile appeared on Sam’s face and you returned it but you’re pretty sure it just looked like you were frowning.

“I, uh, I was running from a m-man, I think..” you whispered. “I escaped and he, uh, tried to get me.” Sam’s eyes were on you and you dared to look back at him. “Escaped from what?” He asked, squeezing your knees a little. “Everyone? They’ve, uh, held me captive for a while..”

“For how long?” Sam looked kinda worried now and you wondered why. _He didn’t even know you?_ “Almost f-four years.” You shut your eyes, trying to prevent the tears that threatened to come. “Why?” He sounded different when he asked. You shock your head, not really knowing why they took you. Both of your parents were dead, you lived with a friend of theirs and you didn’t really know anyone.

“Are you going to give me b-back?” You whispered after a while. “No. God no. You’re safe now, okay? Nothing’s going to happen with you. We’re going to take care of you okay?” You nodded a little and looked down at your hands in your lap.

When his arms wrapped around you, you thought he was attacking you, but when you realized that he was hugging you, you buried your head in his chest. You really needed that hug and for the first time in a while you felt a little safe, like this were finally over, but a voice inside you told you not to get your hopes up.


	3. Come on, Sammy's waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm here with another chapter, yay!  
> It took a while, but I'm blaming that I've been traveling for a few days, but now It's done.  
> I realized I made Dean kinda scary in the latest chapter so I tried to make him a little softer in this one..
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like it!

_Sam's pov_

It feels like the hug lasts for hours and eventually you fall asleep in Sam’s arms. He scoots up on the bed so that his body is laying against the headboard. He moves carefully, trying not to wake you as he lifts the cover at tucks it over your body and his legs.

He sits there with you in his arms as he thinks about what you told him before. _Someone held her captive? What did they do to her? What did they_ make _her do? Where is she from?_ All those unanswered questions and more didn’t leave his head and he didn’t feel how your heart started to beat faster.

Your mumbling had him finally looking down to you and you flinched a little. He shook your shoulder a little to wake you up but it didn’t work. “Hey, wake up.” He said as he shook your shoulder slightly harder.

You gasped as if you haven’t taken a breath in several minutes and your eyes looked panicked. “It’s okay! You fell asleep and you’re safe okay?” You nodded a little and Sam pulled you into a hug. His long and strong arms held you against his chest and he could feel how much just skin and bones you were.

“You hungry? I can make you something.” He said after releasing you from his grip. “No, it’s okay.” You mumbled. He stared into your eyes for a minute and he noticed how you looked everywhere _except_ his eyes.

“Come on.” He said as he got up from the bed and took a hold of your hand. He dragged you along to the kitchen. “What do you like? Pasta? We got plenty of that for some reason.” Sam mumbled the last. When you didn’t answer he looked back at you.

You noticed his eyes on you and looked up. “I uhm, I can just take an apple.. If that’s okay..” _An apple? She hasn’t eaten anything since she got here, she must be starving._ “Of course it’s okay, I can make you something better, I mean, you haven’t eaten anything since you got here.” He found it weird that he was worried for a girl he just meet, but he couldn’t help it. She looked so alone and scared.

“I’m not that hungry.” You mumbled as you looked down to your feet. “Here,-” Sam handed you a green apple from the basket on the counter. “- but you can come here and eat whenever you like, okay?” You nodded a little as you took a bite of the apple.

“So, uhm, since-” Sam got interrupted by Dean in the middle of a sentence and when you head Dean’s voice you tensed. “What’s going on in here, huh?” Dean said as he walked up to the refrigerator and got a bear. “Just getting some food.” Sam answered, looking over to Dean.

“Hey kid, sorry of I scared you back there.” Dean said as he walked over to the table and sat down. “No worries.” You mumbled. “So do you have a name?” You looked up this time at Dean as you answered. “They called me Y/N.” Dean looked at Sam as he asked what she meant with _“they”_ with his eyes and Sam shook his head, telling him not to question it right now.

Sam looked down at you again. “So Y/N, you wanna take a shower? We have towels and such for you.” You nodded your head and followed Sam down the hall. He stopped outside a door and you almost walked into him. “Wait here. I’m gonna get you the stuff.”

 

_Your pov_

Sam came back with a towel, some leggings and a flannel and shampoo. “The, uhm, leggings are from an old friend who forgot them here and they might fit you.” You thanked him as you took the stuff. “You can lock the door if you want but we won’t come on if you don’t.” Sam said as he scratched his head a little. You nodded and walked into the shower room.

When your heard him walk away you locked the door. You quickly undressed and got into the shower. Your shower was quick and about 10 minutes later you were dressed in the leggings and the flannel. It reached all the way down to your knees and the arms were away too long. You found yourself freezing anyways so you didn’t mind.

You unlocked the door and got out. As you walked out of the shower room you didn’t watch yourself and you walked into someone, again. You let out a little scream and almost fell to the floor if it weren’t for the arms that catched you.

“You okay?” You recognized the voice as Dean’s and you looked up to in fact see Dean holding you. You nodded as you mumbled a sorry. “We thought we were gonna go to the store to buy you some stuff.” Dean said. “Oh.. okay.” Dean took a step from you and nodded his head down the hall. “Come on, Sammy’s waiting by the car.”

You followed Dean, and when you got up a few steps you found yourself in the garage. Old cars stood parked against the wall and you even spotted one or two motorcycles. When your eyes landed to the car in the middle on the room your eyes winded. You didn’t know much about cars, but that was a really beautiful one.

Sam was standing next to it and when he heard you two coming up the stairs he lifted his head to look at you two. When you locked eyes with Sam he smiled a little and you returned the smile. Dean walked up to Sam and Sam walked around the car and got in shotgun. You opened the backdoor and got in.

You reached out to close the door as Sam started talking. You jumped a little out of surprise, but Sam didn’t notice. “So Y/N, you can choose whatever you’d like that you think you’ll be needing.” You closed the door and turned around to see Sam looking at you, waiting for an answer. “Okay.” You replied.

Dean drove out of the garage and your nerves for going outside started to grow in your belly. _Anything could happen out here._ It took around 15 minutes to drive to the store and by the time Dean parked your anxiety were eating you up.

Dean and Sam got out of the car and Sam seemed to notice your discomfort. “Hey it’s okay. Nothing’s going to happen.” Sam said as he opened the backdoor for you. As you got out of the car Sam held out his hand for you to take. You didn’t care that you probably looked as a 10 year old holding someone else’s hand like your life depended on it as you took his hand.

He squeezed your hand a little and started to walk towards the store. “I made you a list, in case you forgot something. You can of course add stuff to the list too.” Sam said as he digged in his front pocket to get out the list. He gave it to you and you read it through a little.

As you three walked through the doors of the store Dean stormed off to the food section mumbling about not having eaten pie for weeks. There were a lot of people in the store and a heavy sigh left your lips.

_Let’s do this._


	4. Hot chocolate?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Ast here with another chapter!
> 
> I'm sorry this took such a long time to write but the deadline in school was this week and I had to get a few things done. I'll probably update a lot more now, but I can't promise anything until june 14th. I hope ya'll are having a great weekend so far, and I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!  
> Remember, I'm not from an english speaking country and I don't have anyone reading this and correcting grammar and spelling errors so bare with me.

You’ve been in the store with Sam and Dean for almost an hour and  _ of course  _ you had to loose them. Walked around the food section where you thought Dean were, the clothes section, the outside section and even the pet section but they were nowhere to be seen.

You decided that you could go back to the car and wait for them so that’s exactly what you did, only problem is that you were lost yourself now. You walked around the shelves and after 15 minutes of walking you had worked yourself up pretty bad and the panic only rose every second.  _ Where the fuck did everyone go?  _ The store were full of people when we got here and now there’s no one here.

Panicked you sat down, not caring about how dirty the floor was, against a shelf trying to catch your breath.  _ Get yourself together.  _ You had no idea how long you sat there, trying to breathe, but you had to get out. Standing up on shaky legs you began walking again. You felt pathetic for panicking over getting a little lost in a store.

Once you got out of the store you almost ran to the car. Not seeing Sam nor Dean there didn’t make it better, but you knew they would drive home some time soon, so you sat down against the car side. Not realizing how tired you were from all of that panicking and running you closed your eyes a little, trying to relax. 

 

_ Sam’s pov _

They had been looking for Y/N  _ everywhere _ , but you had just disappeared. Sam was worried sick that something had happened to you. “Maybe she ran away? Dude, you saw how scared she was of us.” Dean said after a while of looking for you. “She was  _ scared  _ of being out here.” Sam almost screamed at Dean. “Chill. We can go out to the car a drive around a little, looking for her.” Sam nodded and they headed out.

He found you laying on the ground next to the car and ran the last bit. He got down to his knees, looking with his hand if you had a pulse. He let out a deep breath when he found your heartbeat and shook your shoulder a little. You immediately woke up, a panicked look in your eyes. 

“Sam!” you threw yourself at him and he let out a little “Uhff” of surprise. He wrapped his arms around you and hugged you. “I told you we would find her.” Dean muttered from behind him. You had gripped his shirt in your tiny hands, almost as if you were scared he’d disappear right in front of you. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here.” Sam mumbled to you as he stroked his hands on your back. He felt you nodding a little against his chest. “Cmon.” He stood up with you in his arms. He let go of you and you let out a whimper. As he open the back door he gave Dean a little nod. He nodded back and got around the car to the front seat and got in.

Sam pulled you forward the door a little and you got in. He followed you into the back seat and closed the door. With a little worried smile on his lips he opened his arms a little and pulled you to him. Your body tensed a little in his grip and he squeezed you a little, trying to give the message that you were okay and that there was nothing to be scared of. 

After a little while your head dropped to his chest. Your deep calming breathes told him that you was asleep again. For some reason he felt really protective for you, and he didn’t really know why. His heart stung every time he looked at you. You looked so lonely, scared and unsure. He wanted to make you feel safe and the only way he knew how to do just that, was to be around you. Make you trust him. But it wasn’t all easy.

He wanted to know why someone held her captive. She was just a kid when they took her, and she still is. Sam wanted to make sure you were healthy and happy, but he had no idea how. One thing he was sure of was that you were staying in the bunker with them until Sam could make you feel better.

 

***

_Your pov_  

Later that day in the bunker you were looking around a little. Sam gave you pain killers for you leg and you felt a little safer now. You felt embarrassed for panicking over nothing so you tried to avoid the winchesters. 

Your bare feet felt cold against the floor and you shivered a little. You pulled the flannel closer to yourself and kept walking down the hall. There was no paintings or windows down here so it was easy to get lost. Everything looked the same. It was really quiet except for the sound you made when you walked. “Y/N?” You jumped and turned around, only to see Sam in the end of the hall. “You okay?” You nodded a little at the question. Sam began walking towards you as he spoke. “You trying to find something? You’ll get used to the maze in here soon.” He said as he smiled a little. “I’m just walking a little.” You said. By the end of the sentence Sam was standing in front of you. 

You shivered a little again, trying to hide it. He spotted it though and put his hand on your shoulder. “You’re cold.” You were about to protest when he spoke before you. “Don’t tell me ‘It’s okay’, cause your lips are starting to get blue.” He looked down at your feet and pulled you with him a little. “Come on, you can get some socks from me or Dean.”

He stopped in front of Dean’s room and got in. He took some socks from the dresser and gave them to you. “Here, put these on. Let’s make you some hot chocolate or something, yeah?” He didn’t let you answer as he led you through the halls of the bunker with his hand on your back. 

With the socks in your hand you followed Sam into the kitchen. Before you knew it Sam lifted you up to sit on the counter. You let out a funny sound and Sam chuckled a little. He turned around to do whatever he was going to do and you put on the socks now when you sat down.

He turned around and looked at you before asking “Tea or hot chocolate?” You opened your mouth only to close it again. “Hot chocolate?” you nodded at that and Sam grinned. “Good ‘cause we don’t have any tea. 

A few minutes later Sam gave you a cup of hot chocolate and you signed a little as your cold fingers wrapped around the hot cup. Sam walked up to you a put his hand on your forehead. The hand felt cold on you and you shivered  _ again _ . Sam frowned a little and took away his hand.

“I think you’re starting to get sick.” You furrowed your eyebrows a little. You didn’t feel sick. The thought came out of your lips before you noticed and Sam looked a little worried.  _ Why is Sam worried? He doesn’t even know me.  _ “Wait here, lemme go get Dean.” He was out of the room before you could even nod at him.

You hadn’t experienced being sick since you got kidnapped, so you didn’t really know how you were supposed to feel when you actually were sick.  _ Why would I get sick now? I haven’t been outside in the rain or been around sick people. Maybe Clarke injected something in me before I ran? What if I’m about to die or  _ become  _ the thing she was. No that can’t happen, maybe I can- _

Dean’s voice surprised you and interrupted your thoughts. Whit a scream you fell down the counter, the cup in your hand came to the floor before you and crashed in pieces. Of course you landed on top of the small pieces and the hot chocolate. 

“Shit, shit, shit.” Dean ran to your side in a matter of seconds, Sam right behind him. You groaned a little, trying to get your face away from the hot chocolate. “Don’t move Y/N, you might get more hurt.” You felt his hands on your waist and when he got a good grip he lifted you up easily. He handed you to Sam who carefully put you down away from the mess on the floor.

You would have laughed at yourself about thinking your leg hurt before, ‘cause now you just wanted to die right there in pain. “Y/N? You okay?” With a deep breath you managed to tell Sam that your leg hurt. He lightly placed his hand where he had stitched you up a few days before and he cursed. “You’re bleeding. I think you ripped the stitches.”

_ Well that was  not  good. _


	5. Who's Clarke?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all!  
> I'm sorry for the late update, but I just got my computer to work (yay).  
> I'm planning on updating more often this summer though, so don't worry.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

Sam carried you to his room, probably because it was the closest. Carefully he placed you on his bed and began picking on the  porcelain pisces. “I’m gonna have to remove your shirt to see if any of these hurt you.” Panicked you shook your head. Just as Sam opened his mouth to answer Dean came into the room, spotting you two. 

“Where’s she hurt?” The panic rose within you and the pain was almost too much to bare. You tried to focus on your breath as they spoke, trying to calm down a little. You shut your eyes closed. “Y/N?”  _ Take a deep breath, come on, now’s not the time to get a panic attack.  _ “Hey, Y/N.” You nodded a little, signaling that you heard them. “We have to see how bad your leg is, okay?” As you nodded again you felt a pair of hands coming up to the waistband of your leggings and you inhaled sharply.

The hands stopped right away, but you still held your breath. The other brothers hands came up to stroke your cheeks. You flinched away. Sam’s voice were right above you then. “It’s okay, we’re only going to take a look at your leg.” Before you knew it your leggings were gone and you started to shake.  _ I need to calm down. _ Even if you trusted the brothers a little more than you should have, considering how you’ve only been in the bunker for almost a week, this still creeped you out. 

Sam’s hands left your cheeks and you felt his fingers gently press into your skin around the stitches. “It doesn’t need stitches  _ again _ , but we have to use bandage so it’s won’t get infected.” You let out the breath you held. Just the mere thought of needles made your eyes water.

“You hurting somewhere else?” You shook your head lightly, praying that Sam or Dean would give you painkillers soon. Sam must have read your mind because the next thing he said was “I can’t give you painkillers for you leg Y/N, you look some like 3 hours ago.” Silent tears ran down your cheeks as you gave up fighting them away.

Dean ran his hand down your left leg, trying to give you some comfort. “The easiest way through this is to sleep.” He said after a while. You nodded, ready to try to limb yourself towards your room when Sam pushed your shoulders down. “You can stay here, it’s okay.” Dean then left the room, saying something about cleaning up the kitchen.

Guilt came crashing down on you. All that mess just because you’re so damn scared all the time. Sam was heading out too, and you didn’t want to be alone. “C-can you s-stay?” He turned around and walked towards your left side on the bed. You were still freezing and laying on top of the covers didn’t help.

He gently got the covers away and on top of you and tucked them in a little on the sides. “I’m gonna go get my laptop and sit here, okay?” You nodded at that and watched him leave the room. You didn’t notice it before, but he had books everywhere. On the floor, on the dresser and even one at the end of the bed.

He had some clothes lying in the right corner, probably dirty. Sam came back with his laptop and a couple of headphones in his hand. He placed them on the bed as he got out of his shoes.

You scooted over a little to the left so that Sam would fit on the bed. The bed dipped under his weight when he sat down. He was sitting with his back against the headboard and his laptop pretty far down on his lap. With his headphones plugged in he started to watch some movie.

Without thinking you put your head on his lap. You felt him tense under you and you were just about to move your head when his hand began to stroke your hair and back. You let out a deep breath and closed your eyes.

You focused on the small patterns Sam drew on your back instead of the pain coming from your leg. The warmth from Sam made you snuggle in a little more into him and soon enough you fell asleep.

***

_ Sam’s Pov _

You had been sleeping for almost 2 hours on his lap now. He was happy that you started to open up a little from the cold shell you were before. Of course there was a lot more to work on, especially on the food thing. Sam couldn’t help to notice before how the leggings that was supposed to be tight on you, was baggy on your small legs.

You were literally just skin and bones, and that worried him a lot. The dark circles under your eyes showed him how little sleep you’ve gotten lately and he was thinking that maybe it had to do with nightmares.

The second movie was playing in front of him as you began to move. He saw your lips moving and your eyebrows  furrowed. As he removed his headphone he heard you talking in your sleep. “No..’m sorry..” 

He paused the movie as he kept his eyes on you. “Clarke.. Stop.. I’m not-” tears leaked from your eyes when you suddenly stopped talking. “Hey, Y/N.” He didn’t want to wake you up after such a short time, but you were having another nightmare and he wanted to wake you up before you got too far away in the dream.

You stirred when he shook your shoulder and you opened your eyes. He felt you take a deep shaky breath, almost as if you tried to calm down. When he moved his hand on your shoulder you flinched. “Hey, it’s okay, you’re safe.” 

 When you didn’t answer he spoke up again. “Who's Clarke..?” He felt you tense and he regretted asking you. You shook your head against his lap and sat up. You threw your legs carefully over the bed and went to stand up, pulling the covers away from your body. Sam got up to help, but you just brushed him off telling him you could do it yourself. He backed away and watched you limb out of his room with pain written all over your face. 

He sighed,  _ why did I do that? It was clearly something that hurt for you to talk about _ . Everytime Sam mentioned what happened before they took you in you shut him out and ignored him. They really needed to know what happened but they couldn’t get it out of you. Sam often told Dean to give you some time, but they still worried a lot about what happened to you.


End file.
